Down with the Sports Guy

I swear that it never ceases to amaze me how Bill Simmons (above, I guess), the Sports Guy, seems to share 90% of my pop culture views and about 75% of my sports views (his repeated slaying of Brett Favre is our only real sticking point besides his Boston myopia). These percentages are really scary-high in that I am not sure another media member alive is close. Heck, Dan McDowell shares about 50% of my pop culture views, and 40% of my sports views as a comparison. But everytime this guy writes something, I feel like he listens to our show. Here is example #212:

Sports Guy on Grizzly Man …

From Mitch Levy in New York: "You have to write a story about 'Grizzly Man.' It's supposed to be a serious documentary about a guy who lives in Alaska every summer with the bears (who eventually eat him). It's hilarious at every level from the absolute wing-nut bear lover, to the pretentious German filmmaker, and the wacky casts of friends that get interviewed and tell nonsensical stories about him. The message boards at imdb.com are a fight between the naturalists who think it was a beautiful movie and those who think this was better than 'Spinal Tap.'"

Mitch, I'm with you: It's the first documentary since "American Movie" that ranks a perfect 100 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. First of all, it's directed by Werner Herzog, who (incredibly) decided to narrate the movie even though he sounds like he's auditioning for a Hans & Frans sketch. Second, the Grizzly Man guy is an absolute maniac and can't be described even remotely. You just have to see him in action. He's surpassed Mark Byars (from "Paradise Lost") and Mark Borchardt for me, and I never thought I would say that. Third, there are so many ridiculously funny moments (like when Grizzly Man claims that he lost out to Woody Harrelson as Coach's replacement on "Cheers," or when he's playing with the bear poop) that you can't even believe it's happening as it's happening. I kept thinking that this was like the "Blair Witch Project," some sort of elaborate hoax by the creators of "Mr. Show." But it's not. And fourth, this is the first movie that I can remember that glorifies someone who's completely insane. I mean, COMPLETELY. Utterly and totally.
(You have to rent this movie -- it's disturbing, hilarious, creepy, haunting, you name it. I won't even spoil the ending for you. Just see it.)

Now, I often get asked if we shouldn’t be booking this guy. I think it is better off this way. When you have a writer on the show, sometimes they demonstrate why they are writers and not speakers. And, really, I just don’t want to ruin things. It is going pretty well like it is.

Plenty of good seats available at the Olympics …

So far, organizers and the International Olympic Committee express nothing but happiness with the crowds, but the sparse attendance, including at the two premier events Tuesday — the men's combined skiing and the men's figure skating short program — is startlingly reminiscent of the embarrassment of Athens.

"I would feel very bad if I was an Italian skater," Rodriguez said. "You expect to hear the roar of the crowd. It's a little bit dead out there."

The oval's misery has plenty of company. Freestyle skiing failed to crack the 50 percent mark in attendance at the women's moguls qualifying event Saturday, the opening day of competition, and the atmosphere drooped. The men's figure skaters performed Tuesday night in front of huge gaps of empty seats, and ushers urged people to move down and fill out the lower sections, just as they had done in Athens at the women's gymnastics.

Mavs pinky promise they aren’t making any deals …If you believe them, you are not smart. I’m not saying they are going to make a deal; rather I am saying that they say they are not making a deal EVERY year (including last year)…

The last time the Mavericks made a trade was Feb. 24, 2005, when they acquired Keith Van Horn from the Milwaukee Bucks.

That completed an eight-month spree in which the Mavericks pulled off an astounding eight deals – some blockbuster, some inconsequential – that sent away a dozen players and three draft picks and recouped 14 players and a draft pick. These don't include the departures of Steve Nash (free agency) and Michael Finley (waived).

This gap between trades represents one of the longest trade droughts of Mark Cuban's ownership, which began in 2000.

It is noteworthy that another long stretch without a deal came in 2002-03, when the Mavericks reached the Western Conference finals.

The lack of roster movement is a good indication of how comfortable coach Avery Johnson, Cuban and president of basketball operations Donnie Nelson are with the current batch of Mavs.

MTex and Myoung on team USA for World Baseball Classic …

Tom Benson doesn’t move the Saints …

"We have a contract that goes through 2010, and I expect to honor that contract," Benson said of the 10-year agreement with the state that was signed in 2001.

In defense of Gretzky …

He doesn't deserve this.

Crucifixions have changed a bit over a couple of thousand years, but the dynamics are still the same.

You need a mob convinced it's carrying out the will of the public, and you need a victim. The rest -- electronic thorns instead of real ones, soundclip jabs instead of those from spears -- is just progress.

Historically, the role of the person crucified is best played by someone who will appear uncontrite but unwilling to answer his accusers. Wayne Gretzky, an Anglican, always had an eye for detail.

Set against Team Canada working out only a few feet away, Gretzky's press conference lasted just a little more than five excruciating minutes. Andre Brin, the affable media relations guy from Hockey Canada, played a reluctant Pilate in delivering an exhausted Gretzky to the print and electronic media.

What followed was two streams meeting and creating a torrent: An indignant media with the thinnest of rationales and the natural and national inclination we all feel to take down someone who is really big.

Journalists are fun at parties. We're great at Trivial Pursuit, but we are subject to the same mathematics as any group. Put more than two of us on the same story and the group IQ lowers by 50%. Keep taking off 50% with each addition until we become this big stupid mass of microphones and notepads, a dumb, braying jackass convinced that somewhere, just beyond our scent, lies scandal.

The rule of thumb we use for famous people is that they forfeit the right to be treated fairly when they become public figures. Small wonder, then, that the phenomenon of writing about how things look and ruminating about the effects of whatever crap we dredge up occupy so much time.

Journalists, and only journalists, decide what's a story. Cops don't. Judges don't. We do.

Hurray! Liverpool 1, Arsenal 0 …Luis Garcia saves the day...

goals continue to be scarce for Liverpool, they at least showed a keen sense of drama in the positioning of an overwhelmingly deserved winner. The match was in its 87th minute when the resistance of the superb Jens Lehmann was at last smashed. His save from one substitute Dietmar Hamann was excellent but he could not prevent another, Luis García, from converting the rebound from an angle.

Had it not been for Lehmann, Liverpool would enjoy a far merrier record than the laboured figures of three goals from the past six Premiership matches. The German, who had saved a Steven Gerrard penalty in the first half, dived to tip an overhead kick from Harry Kewell round the post after 76 minutes. He could not, however, stifle the truth.

I am not here to champion the most popular sport in the world, but I do want to take this opportunity to suggest that anyone who doesn’t believe a 1-0 soccer game is as entertaining a sporting event as you will see, has never given world class soccer a try. I was on the edge of my seat for 2 hours last night, and it was wonderful.
Of course, this was exciting in that Liverpool was dominating, but yet couldn’t beat the Arsenal defense and goaltending for much of the 90 minutes. Look at these stats to prove it:

Corners:
Liverpool 13
Arsenal 1

Goal Attempts:
Liverpool 22
Arsenal 7

On Target:
Liverpool 9
Arsenal 3

Now, it is Liverpool - Manchester United on Saturday Morning in a heated FA Cup battle.

Meanwhile, Eddie Johnson dealt away by FC Dallas …

He ignited global interest 16 months ago, scoring eight goals in his first seven World Cup qualifying appearances.

A Portuguese club offered $5 million. And famed Manchester United invited the striker for off-season "training," a poorly disguised effort to gauge the player's talent and personality from up-close.

But with a March 1 deadline approaching for MLS salary cap compliance, and driven by fears that Johnson might soon fulfill a lifelong dream of playing overseas, FC Dallas opted to move Johnson now.

Johnson will probably make the U.S. roster for this summer's World Cup. If he does well, he could quickly be a European heavyweight.

Because of his national team duty, Johnson may be available for as few as three MLS games prior to the World Cup. Hitchcock said Johnson's availability also was a factor in Tuesday's decision.

This trade will not sit well with the fans, but I can assure you that it is no big deal. He is gone from the MLS this summer for sure as Europe awaits. Like the article says, he would be available for a handful of games before the World Cup team vanishes (problem #27 with MLS: trying to play a season during the World Cup) and once they leave, Johnson will be gone for good in my estimation. I don’t think he will play in the MLS past April, so for Dallas to get something for him and let Kansas City worry about his future is likely to proper move.

Pistons finally give up, trade Milicic …Ouch. Let’s review the top 5 of the 2003 NBA Draft:

1. Cleveland LeBron James
2. Detroit(from Memphis)Darko Milicic
3. Denver Carmelo Anthony
4. Toronto Chris Bosh
5. Miami Dwyane Wade

Think Detroit would like to do that over?

Here is today’s Olympic Hockey Schedule – even as we speak I am watching Canada-Italy.

4:00A CT
MSNBC 2006 Torino Games
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Sweden vs. Kazakhstan (LIVE)
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Canada vs. Italy (LIVE)
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Finland vs. Switzerland (LIVE)
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Germany vs. Czech Republic (LIVE)
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Russia vs. Slovakia (LIVE)

2:00P CT
USA Network 2006 Torino Games
• Ice Hockey - Men's: Team USA makes its tournament debut against Latvia.

And now, some email:

Ok Bro, cue the piano music:

In 1977 my folks got divorced in Abilene Texas. I was 8 and it was a bad deal all the way around. Conservative town, he was a Church of Christ preacher, you do the math.

Anyways, my mom got tickets to the Dallas Cowboys Hoopsters game against the Abilene Police Department. It was a different era back then, so the kids and fans were VERY close to the players. Conversely, they were more than willing to interact with the fans, especially the kids. Earlier that year I had written a letter to Roger Staubach and he (or more likely the team) sent me an autographed picture signed something like “To Dan, Good Luck, Roger Staubach”, which meant to me, that Roger and I were best buddies. Remember, I’m 8 at the time.

At halftime, as Roger came out of the dressing room, I said, “Hey remember me? You sent me your picture”. He smiled and responded with, “Well that means the mail is working then.” I then asked for his wrist bands, two plain vanilla white wristbands. He slid them off and walked off. I, of course, put them on and wore them 24/7 for weeks.

Now for the twist.

Several weeks later as me, my mom and my 5 year old sister are leaving for school, I was opening my bedroom window. Instead of using the handle at the bottom of the window, I was pushing with my palms against the pane. Both my hands went through the window. My left hand was fine, my right wrist GUSHED blood from underneath.

I screamed, my mom ran in, almost fainted but somehow she kept it together. She grabbed my wrist and using what was left of Roger’s wrist band (which had been shredded by the glass nearly) she put pressure on the wound and drove me to the ER. Once there, it took 17 awful stitches to sew me up. The ER doc said that if my mom hadn’t stopped the bleeding as soon as she did, I could’ve died from blood loss.
To this date, I have a 4 inched jagged scar that looks like a very failed attempt at suicide on my wrist. Every time someone sees it, it reminds me of Roger Staubach!!
OK, that was gay, but it is 100% true--still got the scar to prove it.

Roger Staubach was my childhood hero and after hearing him yesterday, the man is nothing but class!!

Dan

That wins Staubach story of the day. I can’t imagine there is a classier man than Roger.

Bob,

It's your old training camp buddy, Michael. I have a little bit of a decision to make, so I thought you were the BEST person to turn to on this...and I'll tell you why in a minute.

First of all, not looking for air time about this. I'm really curious about my small problem.

I am a huge Troy Aikman fan...just as you are with Brett Favre. You may or may not recall meeting my wife this past summer in Oxnard when we took pictures. She was carrying our first child..P1 of course!

Well, he was born on 12-31-05 and we named him TROY! I know to this day you claim "Brett" is just a coincidence for you. ha ha ha. Anyhow, I'm torn....I go every single year to Cowboys Training Camp since 1992 -- never missed a year.

However, this year my guy Troy made it into the Hall of Fame. My problem, do I go to camp this year again, or go to a Hall of Fame weekend for my boy hood hero. I guess in a way, it completes my little story, since I was there from the beginning in 89.

If it was Brett Favre, what would you do? I just don't know yet if I can do both trips, I'm a nut. What can I say! Is the Hall of Fame that big enough of an event for you to go?

And yes by the way...I'm "hoping" to bring Baby Troy Ticket Stock this year!
Just curious....Michael

Is there any question? You go to Canton. That is a one-time event. The Cowboys will have training camp every year.

Dear Bob,

I am a fellow Packer fan who resides in Dallas. I was born in Fort Worth but am the son of an expatriate Wisconsin dad. Here's my problem: Living in a cold and evil Dallas Cowboys environment I'm bombarded with the fact that the 'Boys have 5 rings while our Pack has only 3. But obviously, WE HAVE 12 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS! Isn't the Super Bowl just the World Championship after all? With a different name?

I get into arguments with my rabid cowboy fan roommate all the time. I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times too - how do you personally handle that point? I'm sick and tired of us arguing to stalemate and I want to win.

Thanks a ton!
-Robert Reid

Here is how you handle it- Football existed before 1967. They changed the name of the final game, but there were 40 some seasons before they called it the Super Bowl. Did they count National Titles in College Football before the BCS series was born in the late 1990's? Of course.

List of Titles …

Green Bay: 12
Chicago: 9
Cleveland: 8
New York: 6
Dallas, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Washington: 5

Now, debates can certainly exist about whether the titles were easier back in the day of leather helmets and 8 team leagues. But, if the question is "who has won the most titles?" then the answer is easy to find.

And finally, my vote for cockiest person at Mavs games:

Mavs Maniac, DJ Rock. Look for him tonight.