Featuring return music from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song
Dan ponders if Bob can beat Mark Aguirre in a race, given Mark's recent treadmill collapse. Contestants in this race would also include the legendary Pat Summerall, Life Goes On star Chris Burke, Earl Campbell, Chris Berman, pre-thumb-stomach Nate Newton, and noted radio hall-of-famer Norm Hitzges. The subject then shifts to whether or not Norm could best Earl Campbell in a simple 40-yard dash, and in other combine events. All while wearing one-piece singlets, of course.
Norm then proposes that the Ticket hold its own version of the NFL combine, wherein every ticket host participates in NFL combine events. Bob points out that nobody would be able to bench 225lbs, and Donny instead suggests that Norm hold his own televised pro-day. Dan then proclaims that he'd gladly pay to see a televised documentary of Norm's seedy New York draft weekend side trips.
Cut 1: Converse Weapon Rap Commercial featuring Magic, Isaiah, McHale, Aguirre.
Cut 2: Bob takes his dad to his first NASCAR race, and Dan suggests using a child leash
Cut 3: "Why make trillions, when we could make...billions!" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers
Cut 4: "Can I stick my tongue down your throat?" - Bob Sturm to Mia Hamm
Cut 5: "You're f***ing out, I'm f***ing in" - Kenny Powers Audiobook Summary
Cut 6: "Good luck, we're all counting on you" - Leslie Neilson, Airplane
Cut 7: "I'll give you my phone number, we'll play some Madden, ok?" Mark Wahlberg to Tom?
Donny's Tagline: "And now, two guys who are taking this hump day thing literally (Stop it!)"
Bob starts with the observation that people you'd assume are worth following on twitter (e.g. MC Hammer and Donte Stallworth) are actually not that interesting. Based on a recommendation, he started following the ticket's own Hank Haney, and was surprised to discover that one Dan McDowell was among the very few people that Hank followed (no other weekday host made the list). All was right in the Twitterverse a few moments later when Hank unfollowed Dan and started following Bob.
Dan continues to complain about how his experiment with twitter places too much of a burden on his lifestyle. He did however tweet this awesome picture with an AAC celebrity from the Stars 3-0 win over Coat last night. Dan also re-issues his stern warning to Jamey Newburg to save his premium content for the Newburg report, and not for twitter.
The segment wraps up with Dan recapping a Tom "Dances with Wolves" off-air moment in which Tom completely didn't understand why Tom Grieve comparing Ron Washington to Dusty Baker during yesterday's show was funny. Each ticket personality was adding to the fun by comparing Wash to a different African-american manager (i.e. Toronto's own Cito Gaston), and Gribble ended the fun by comparing the Old School Brotha to Richie 'Whitey' Ashburn. Bob and Dan chalked it up to a combination of Tom's Aggie excitement and diabetes.
12:39 - Ranger Talk
Return Music: Parents Just Don't Understand, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
BaD Radio marvels at Alexi 'Snoop' Ogando's first performance as a starter anywhere, especially considering his backstory of being stuck in the Dominican for being involved in a marriage scam. Sean remarks that he'd still prefer Ogando to come out of the bullpen.
The focus then shifts to the work of Julio Borbon, who's spectacular play to end the seventh was overshadowed by the fact that his awful jump on the play caused the highlight to happen. Bob concludes that the Borbon/Murphy/Hamilton talk is proof that DFW is now a "baseball town", and he likens the struggles of Borbon to those of Roddy Beaubois and Derek Holland.
13:01 - Tivo Talk
Despite Dan's heroic efforts, the ridiculously over-the-top FX boxing show Lights Out has died a well-deserved death. Dan recaps overly-dramatic slow-clap-inducing audio of Lights proposing that 10% of winnings be reserved to take care of previous boxers. Dan then recaps a punch in the championship fight that sends Lights flying through the ropes and onto a table, where a random passerby urges Lights to get up and continue fighting. Lights does just that, and goes on to beat his opponent into a dazed submission. But the win takes its toll when Lights appears to have suffered from brain damage as a result of the fight. The show is brought to a merciful conclusion when a punch-drunk Lights is led out by his now debt-free wife to face the media.
All of this is in spite of personal guarantees Bob and Dan received from producers Warren Leight (or Justin Zackham) that consultants were brought in to ensure that the fight scenes would remain realistic and not go the way of Rocky.
13:18 - Tivo Junior
Return Music: Shut 'Em Down, Public Enemy
AMC will be re-airing Breaking Bad seasons 1-3 starting tonight at 11:30 as a refresher for the upcoming Season 4.
Bob takes a moment to discuss three competitors taking part in "Survivor - Redemption Island": * Former NFL player and former Cowboy-great Steve Wright, who played in the NFL for 12 years. * Former NFL spare and overly-handsome competitor Grant Mattos, who amassed a whopping 2 special-teams tackles in 6 games with the Chargers * Token African-American and possible former federal agent Phillip, who will take every opportunity to remind people that he was, in fact, a federal agent.
13:40 - Knox-Talk
Return Music - Groove is in the Heart (Dee-Lite)
Bob mentions that in a perfect world, he'd be notified whenever (A) there is a car chase on the news, and (B) whenever a pitcher has carried a no-hitter into the 7th inning. Dan simply wants a pager for whenever Jim Knox is on TV, and surmises that Jim Knox probably has a pager to alert him whenever someone over the age of 95 or hailing from the Pacific Rim sets foot in the ballpark.
Knoxy decides to interview a dude who is celebrating his bachelor party with his wife. A giant drunken banana tries to derail the inteview, but Knox fights through it and manages to get the groom to admit that his wedding is probably going to be the worst day of his life. Despite the bride's claim that they are "huge sports fan", this is her first visit to the ballpark - and they're getting married there, tomorrow morning. BaD Radio concludes that she'd only claiming to like sports so the dude will agree to marry her. Video is available here.
13:54 - Mark Aguirre
Return Clip - Local announcer that butchered Mark's last name...or did she?
Bob and Dan check in on their good friend Mark Aguirre, who's recent heart attack caused a bit of a scare in the DFW area. Mark says he was trying to run at 9.5-10.5MPH on the treadmill, and pushed it a little too far. He appears to have suffered a cardiac arryhtmia, but a defibrillator fixed him right up.
Bob then brings up the issue of the pronounciation of his last name. Mark says that it is indeed a Spanish last name (inherited from his Puerto-Rican stepfather), and is properly pronounced "Agg-eer-aye". However, Mark's grandfather was upset by the number of people mispronouncing it, and suggested in Mark's freshmen year that he change it to "Ugg-wire" to avoid confusion.
Dan then goes into Mark's childhood friendship with Isaiah Thomas, and the interview concludes with some uncomfortable talk about Aguirre's strong lower body.
14:21 - Calling Chicago
Return Music - Gribble Aggie Fight Song
This segment starts by kicking TC in the nads for being a Notre-Dame front-runner. TC offers the weak argument that Notre Dame is geographically close to where he grew up (it's not), and also claims that his Catholic background requires him to follow the Fighting Irish. Bob quickly retorts that "he'll see [TC] at mass, then."
BaD Radio calls the Linebacker Inn in South Bend to ask what the final score was, and they were promptly hung up on. Undeterred, they called the upscale Legends campus bar, and were warmly received by Kelly, who looked up the score for them and even offered her thoughts on the team. Feeling bad, Dan decided to engage her in some talk about Rudy, and Kelly offered that he wasn't a very nice person and has been kicked out of the bar before for being a drunk.
14:36 - Ex-Dallas Athletes In The News
Return Music: Bob's "Drop the Claw, Drop the Antler" song from 2010
The first story talks about Marty Turco's antics in Montreal's (yeah, I suppose that's technically Canada) overtime win over the Black Hawks, in which he had a running bet with a Montreal fan over who would win during the game. Turco ended up losing the bet and paid his debt to the fan in full, but not before defacing a piece of Canadian currency (pictured here) in the process. (It should be noted that $5.00CDN is currently equal to $5.20USD...insert Musers laugh)
The second story surrounds the ongoing saga of Canadian Folk Hero Steve Nash's divorce from his wife Alejandra, only one day after she gave birth. BaD Radio discussed the rumour that the baby came out black and belonged to then-teammate Jason Richardson, who happened to be traded away abruptly nine months earlier. Speculation then arose that the baby belonged to Leandro Barbosa, and Corby joined in to add his abrasive two cents (worth only 1.92 cents CDN, by the way). Gordo had reported earlier in the day that the sports gossip site Terez Owens had debunked the story, but Dan chooses not to believe it.
The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia sing Happy Birthday
Snake pranked everyone by claiming the satellite dish was broken, which nearly snapped Rhynes's ranger weenie in half. The "Steve Nash / Black Baby" discussion continued until Donny referenced the movie Life, which of course featured famed Blomics Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy and Bernie Mac.
In 1987, Dodger VP Al Campanis "Jimmy the Greek'd" himself on this day by claiming that there weren't more black execs because he truly believed they "may not have some of the necessities" required for the job (he was canned three days later).
In 1996, former Cleveland great Albert Belle hit SI photographer Tony Tomsic in the hand with a baseball. Belle claims it was unintentional, but the important fact here is that they were playing Toronto that day.
Happy Birthday to Burt Blyleven, Randall Gottfried, Marilu Henner, Olaf Kolzig, Oliver Miller (Former Raptor great), Sterling Sharpe, Zach Braff, Merle Haggard, Michelle Phillips, Paul Rudd, Billy D Williams and adult film star Claudia Downs of "Strollin' in the Colon".
Spares include Brett Boone, Gerald Diduck, Carl Lee, Hurvin McCormack and Dickie Simpkins.
Born on this day, now dead: Ivan Dixon, Isaac Asimov, Tammy Wynette, and Bison Dele.